Things Said

an selection of some of my favorite quotes

1)Annalyssa: Wade, you’re not on youtube?
Wade: No, I took a break from youtube to write my paper. Every five minutes I’m taking a break from youtube to work on my paper.

2)Andrew (in sing-song to Lion King): Oh I just can’t wait…to be done!! …or to be king. I want to be king. Let’s just be honest here…the depravity part is coming out.
Criz: So do you prefer to be called Andrew or Andy?
Andrew: So you know Gandalf from Lord of the Rings? He was called one thing by the hobbits, and then he went somewhere else and they called him something different. But he didn’t care. He was the same person.
Annalyssa: But he didn’t go by Gandy!
Andrew: If you were to go to Maine, to Waldoboro Maine, and ask them about Andy, they would say, “We know Andy!” Because they put me in the schedule at the diner as Andy. And everyone called me Andy. And I obliged them. Just like Gandalf. Only Gandalf never became king. I do enjoy the Lord of the Rings, it’s a masterpiece written by J.R.R. Tolkien. A literary masterpiece. Some people don’t like it because they say it’s boring. But once you get going, you get going.
Annalyssa: I like Lord of the Rings. (Andrew gives her high five) But the books are boring. The movies are exciting.
Andrew: You just unendeared yourself to me. I take back that high five.

3)Andrew: Taisha. Doesn’t that sound like a black girl’s name?
Criz: It does!
Andrew: It does right? But it means ‘9’ in Hebrew.

4)Annalyssa: We never were going to give our dog a person’s name. That’s against my dad’s rules. My poor dad. His uncle had a Labrador retriever that my dad would play with when he was a kid. The dog’s name was Mary. It was a boy dog.

5)David: There’s also wisdom in not liking a guy before he likes you
Annalyssa: When does that ever happen? When does that ever happen?! It only happens when a guy who you don’t even like in the first place asks you out and then you have to entertain the idea of liking him.

6)Criz: I am eating oatmeal. I am going to a women’s brunch in half an hour and I know I’m going to be hungry so I’m eating at home so I don’t take all the muffins and look like a glutton. How many muffins can you take without looking rude? Anyway, I’m basing it off that proverb about not stuffing yourself at a rich man’s home.
Oms: I always stuff myself at a rich man’s home! I stuff myself anywhere!

7)Annyalyssa: I just hate how the Catholics think Mary is perfect.
Criz: Do you think she has a uterus in heaven?
Annalyssa: Probably a golden uterus…

8)Oms: Is there a book to teach you how to not be selfish?
Criz: The Bible?

9)Criz: And then Annalyssa and I were discussing what kind of dancing angels might do. Can you imagine an angel doing the jitterbug? Annalyssa said that maybe they’d have dance moves named after angels. Like The Guardian. And then I said the Seraphim Shuffle!
Den: I wonder what the angel of death would dance…whatever it was, I’m sure he’d have killer dance moves.

10)Annalyssa: What I’m really worried about is having to be here for the tribulation. That is like the worst news ever. I’m sitting in class and I’m like, “Am I the only one here who took the Left Behind series to be authoritative!??”

11)Criz: Hey! How are you?
Dennis: How are you? (in a weird voice)
Criz: Ah! Don’t do the creepy voice!
Den: That’s not my creepy voice. That’s a pirate voice!
Criz: Oh! Are you a pirate?
Den: Yes.
Criz: Are you wearing a patch?
Den: Yes, but not a pirate patch. A nicotine patch.
Criz: That counts. Are you wearing it on your eye?

12)Dennis: I’m sitting down. You sit on the floor.
Criz: I thought you said Christians sit in chairs.
Dennis: Well you’ve been behaving like a heathen

13)D: And your teeth are so beautiful. They’re so sharp. Like a monster…”

14)C: Have you ever picked cotton?
D: Yeah, I mean I’ve picked cotton off a cotton plant. But it wasn’t fun.
C: You’d make a terrible slave.
D: I would make a terrible slave. I’d always be thinking about running away or murdering my master.
C: Would you join the Underground Railroad?
D: I’d start my own railroad. Above ground.
C: Where would it go?
D: It’d have a lot of stopping points. If I had an underground railroad I’d use it to take slaves to freedom but I’d have them give me 10% of their earning once they were free as payment.
C: So you’d wean them off slavery?
D: You can’t just go cold turkey off of slavery

15)Oms: I wonder if Vietnamese people eating dogs is like us eating cows to Indian people.
Dad: No, it has to be different. Can a cow help you hunt? No. Can a cow retrieve ducks for you? No. Can a cow be a watchcow? No.

16)Dad: Come on, Sam. Stop hauling this little wimp and go throw the ring in yourself.
Mom: He can't. He's not the appointed one.
Dad: That's a bunch of baloney. All he needs to do is go up there and throw the ring in.

17)C: Could you ever marry a murderer?
K: (thinks about it seriously) Umm…depends on who they murdered.