Criz: Mom, would you rather be an astronaut or a pilgrim?
Mom: An astronaut.
Dad: Me too!
Mom: I want to see the earth and the stars.
Dad: Not me. I just want to stay alive. Half of the pilgrims died. You have a better chance of staying alive on the moon than on a boat in the middle of the ocean.
Mom: HOW? HOW? You can't even grow any plants on the moon.

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Criz: Mom, what would you do if I got heavily involved in gambling?
Mom: I'd probably go gambling with you and win. And then you would be crying.
Paloma: Well Mom has interesting methods...Hey Mom, what if I became an alcoholic? Would you go to a bar with me and challenge me to a drinking game.
Mom: Yes. I'd probably win.

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Rachel: There's a secret ingredient in this pizza. Do you want to guess what it is?
Josh: Your secret ingredient is always the same.
Rachel: Really??
Josh: Yeah. Vanilla.
Rachel (indignantly): I thought you were going to say love!!!
Criz: Well, the love isn't a secret.
Rachel: Actually, the secret ingredient is goat cheese.